I rarely open up photobooth on my laptop, which is why it took me so long to find these pictures of my ex-boyfriend and I. They’re pictures of us when I first moved to LA, when I was staying with him while I found my own place. Like most photobooth pictures, the lighting is bad, most of them are blurry, and we’re doing silly things like trading glasses and tickling each other. It made my heart wrench a little bit, looking at his smiling face and knowing I’ll never make him happy or have a happy moment like that with him again.
The pictures make me appreciate our time together, though. When you break up with someone it’s easy to focus on their faults and see, in hindsight, all the things about the relationship that weren’t right from the get-go. But it feels satisfying to look at these pictures and see happiness in both our faces, and that it wasn’t all for nothing. We were with each other, for a little while. We had moments like these, for ourselves, and for one another. We were capable of love.
Before we broke up, we started watching an epic road movie called Until The End of the World (Directors Cut, 1991). I ended up finishing it shortly after our breakup, and it’s one of the best movies I’ve seen all year. I took from it this message: meaningful relationships make life worth living, and these relationships only happen when you share experiences together. It’s a mammoth of a movie (5 hours long and an intense production all around, as its Wikipedia entry will attest to). I highly recommend it to everyone, especially if you’re feeling lost and want some beautiful images to hold you steady. Or rather, to keep you moving.